non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you made out with another girl for some wings
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
