i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
