i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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