I wish you could order shots online.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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