I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
