Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
