so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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