I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
