it wasn't lemon gatorade
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
