Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
