Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
