How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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