i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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