i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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