Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
