I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
