he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
