Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
