i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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