I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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