Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
