So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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