My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
