apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
