dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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