What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
