Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
