Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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