He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
