Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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