theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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