I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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