I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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