did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
