Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
