dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
