oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
