Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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