you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
