I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
