normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
