My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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