My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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