so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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