I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
