Got a toothbrush?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
