sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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