I faked an abortion last night.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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