I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
