he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
