Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
