Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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