my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
