Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
