2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
