Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
