Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
