Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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