I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
