Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They took my balls.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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