***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
