k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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