i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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