Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
