I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
