I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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