Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
