This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
