Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
