Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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