I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
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Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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