peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
