I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
