I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
