I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You don't make any sense
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