If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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