we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
