We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
