found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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