3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
