margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
