I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
