plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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