using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
