Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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