I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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