Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
