that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
