sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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