I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Someone shattered a urinal.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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We don't watch enough power rangers
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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