I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
